Cloudy Days

Sunday, April 17, 2022

Sometimes I am not feeling like my self. I had cloudy days where everything seems off. 

On those days, I was feeling empty, tired, and sad. It was hard to get up from bed. Those days, I cannot genuinely smile as much as I do on better days, which is totally ok but I don't like it.

On better days, it was easier for me to give appreciation and give more love to myself. It was easier to feel calm and peaceful.

But on cloudy days, I do have a monster hijacking my regular personalities. It can last for 2-3 days depending on how fast I can regulate my emotions and feelings. 

In the past, I blamed my partner because I don't like cloudy feelings. I didn't know how to regulate it. And it was easier to just blame it to someone else.

Lately, I figured out that even when he isn't around, I still have those cloudy days. Another reminder that we are the one who are responsible with our own feelings. 

Even when I have no significant problems, it still comes and goes like a wave.

I guessed the root of problem that caused this is because of I tend to have chronic lack of self worth. I've been working on it for a couple of years. Am I getting better at this? I don't know my friend, I don't know. I want to believe that I am, but sometimes it feels harder than usual.

I believe there must be some ways to make it more bearable. One of which is probably I just need to go through all of those cloudy feelings and then let it go. 

Or maybe cloudy days are part of being human. It is totally normal to not feeling sunny all the time. Just like the weather. And based on previous personal references, it will eventually pass and I will be just fine.

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